Graceful Exits

Tends to work well

Modeling responsibility: "You always deserve to be treated respectfully, even when you have done something wrong, so if I feel like I'm getting too irritated, that's my problem and I will step away until I am in a position to talk and think the way I want to"


Tends not to work well

Leaving by blaming the child or adolescent: "You are hurting my feelings, and I need to step away."


- importance of splitting the concept of consequence from the act of talking about consequences

- Version 1.0

- Don't be so hard on yourself. 

- parent smarter, not harder

- not taking away healthy foundation pieces

- representative violations, not every violation

- modeling is often more important that direct instruction

- its not a matter of doing the right things or wrong things, its about a system that isn't burning you out, that is easier, that allows you to be yourselves. 


Books and Movies for the therapist's allegory

what to do when marital issues are impacting the therapy

make voice memos as to incidents, what works, can send them to the therapist

proxy wars - siblings fighting as a metaphor for parental issues